Master Cleanse day 1

So this morning I woke up really early and after laying there tossing and turning unable to go back to sleep, my thoughts turned to the lemons that have been sitting up on top of the fridge for the last few days. I had bought the ingredients for the master cleanse about a week ago and I was all geared up to begin the next day and for some reason. I just haven't... Once again I think fear has crept into another area of my life and has camped out right in between me and progress. My current weight is 214 lbs and I really want to loose some weight. I would love to be 150 but that goal seems so large and so far out of reach. I have seen sop many people have success with the master cleanse and have wanted to try it out for a while but I am afraid. I am afraid of being hungry, I am afraid of failing. I am afraid that it wont work, or that it will work and somehow I will sabotage my own efforts and gain the weight back. I am afraid of how I might feel if I cut myself off from the one thing I can always count on to make me feel better.... food. Dang, that sounds really bad. But I promised myself I would be real with myself and that's just the ugly truth of the matter. I am afraid of not having food. I eat emotionally and out of habit and on impulse. I eat to soothe my stress and also to calm me. So what this really means is I will have to find a different source to tap into. I don't trust myself. i don't think I am strong enough to "lean on my own understanding", and I don't think my husband is qualified for the task as I have gotten to being a pro at convincing him that I am fine when I am not.
 So I will be leaning totally on God for my strength to get through this cleanse. Hopefully some of you all can encourage me as well. You can also follow my progress on my YouTube channel  https://www.youtube.com/user/Goines888

I look forward to bringing you updates on my progress. I am so excited. This is just another step towards my goal. I ask myself, how bad do you want it, all the time. Like it is all within my grasp, everything I want. I just have to have a little faith and then act according to that faith. If I believe I can lose the weight but don't make any changes or take any steps that what difference doe it make what I believe.... It's useless. Like a man who would starve to death at the lake,whilst holding a fishing pole....a because he doubted that he would actually be able to catch anything.... He was right. I don't want to live like that. Missing out on the fullness of life because I am too scared to try ,too scared to fail. So this is it, Day one...

Why the title???

I thought I would talk a little about why I chose to name my blog, Dream Without Fear. So, for a long time now I have suffered from anxiety. It has become much worse since my tubal ligation but it has always affected me as far back as middle school. It has caused me to lose a lot over the years my convincing me that what I thought was attainable would never happen. I was always too scared to dream big because I was afraid of failure. This fear of failure made me anxious and to avoid that feeling I just stopped dreaming. So now I have begun a campaign against fear. I am calling it out of all it's hiding places in my life and taking fear to task. So with getting my tubes untied being at the top of my list of dreams and having another baby being a close second, I have decided to blog and vlog my story and my journey. I want to remember the time I took my biggest dream and and fought fear head on for it. So I plan to encourage myself along the way, mostly through scripture and prayer. So you may see a post here or there with some encouraging words or thoughts.thanks for reading.