Why Fear is Enemy Number One

Someone once said, and it has been repeated many times, There is nothing to fear but fear itself. This is so true, Fear IS my biggest fear. Fear itself is scary, Fear has led me to my biggest mistakes and robbed me of so much in my lifetime. That's why I launching my own personal campaign against fear. I am serving the spirit of fear its walking papers. I no longer have a vacancy for anything telling me not to ,try,give, or get back up. The devil is a liar and Fear is one of his strongest weapons.

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind, 2 Timothy 1:7 

There is no fear where love exists. Rather, perfect love banishes fear, for fear involves punishment, and the person who lives in fear has not been perfected in love.  1 John 4:18

38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 8:38-39

and I claim that today!

Introduction and background

   Hi, Thank you for visiting my blog. I want start by letting you get to know me and my situation. I am a 31 year old mommy of 4 and Wife to my loving husband.  We started young. I became pregnant with my oldest child when I was 17 and delivered him by emergency c-section when I was 18. He wasn't moving as much as or or the OB liked and I was brought in for monitoring. After failing a non stress test he was delivered by c-section. Turned out he had 2 knots in his cord and the cord was around his neck. That c-section most likely saved his life. However I didn't want a c-section with my next son at just 18 months later I delivered my second child a baby boy, by repeat c-section after failed VBAC. I was allowed to attempt VBAC as long as I didn't get an epidural. My water broke on my due date and when I arrived ant the hospital I was immediately given Pitocin. After 12  hours of natural labor I was not even a fingertip dilated. I was told I had to get the c-section for FTP. My next 2 pregnancies with my daughters were repeat c-sections. so that is pretty much my birth history. If we are lucky enough to conceive I would want to deliver VBA4C.
   I also had some experience with third-party reproduction. After my last birth in 2006 I got my tubes tied. It was one of the worst mistakes of my life. I would say top 3. So I think as a way of compensating for the fact that I was sterile, I began to get involved in 3rd party reproduction. Meaning the world of helping infertile couples conceive. I began my journey as an egg donor. I was able to travel all over the country and was compensated nicely in exchange for my high quality eggs.  I also attempted to be come pregnant as a gestational surrogate. The IVF attempts we did were not successful. But the experience was priceless. I think my involvement with helping women become mothers helped me appreciate my own fertility  and make me regret my sterilization even more.

I want to have another baby sooooo bad... okay let me slow down . I realllly want to get my tubes untied. I think I have PTLS post tubal ligation syndrome. I have a lot of the symptoms and anxiety is one of the worst, I an really looking forward to the new feeling that women say they get after Tubal reversal. I plan to go to Mexico to have it done. Rio Bravo Reversals have awesome success rates at a fraction of the cost. We will have the money to go in either August or October.